CHAPTER ONE - Introduction
There is no one in the world who can influence the life
and future of your children like you can.
You, the parent, are your child's first teacher and
guidance counselor. How you treat your children, and
the examples you set in your behavior, educates them
about life. No matter how old your children, there is
real power in being a parent! If you do not use this
power, or if you misuse it, children can feel worthless,
insecure and not able to learn and achieve their full
potential. Then their attitudes and behaviors will work
against their education and their success in dealing
with life.
Yes, it's true-you are not the only force that shapes
your children's lives. Their own biology has a lot to do
with how they grow and react, and they are under other
influences all the time. But you can have a say about
how these other forces affect your children. You can
help them understand and evaluate the people they
meet. You can guide them in analyzing what they see
and hear on television, the movies, in songs, and on
the Internet.
You can also manage their exposure to such forces in
such a way that it supports rather than detracts from
the quality of life you want in your family. You can also
help your children with the second most important
influence in their lives-their school. You can prepare
your children to take advantage of what schools have
to offer. You can work in partnership with their schools
so your children get the best possible education -
which gives them the best preparation for life.
In the Chapter 2 of this book, you will learn
more
about the challenges of raising children in the 21st
century. Many of these challenges are byproducts of
the high cost of living, and of high divorce and
remarriage rates. Other challenges have to do with the
AIDS epidemic and an explosion of sexually
transmitted diseases. And, as has been indicated,
some of the challenges that you face in your parenting
emanate from children's exposure to television and
films, and their use of the Internet and other
technological advances.
In addition, pressures to use tobacco, alcohol, and
other drugs pose special challenges and risks. Many
of these are of a life threatening nature.
In Chapter Three, you will learn the reasons
why most
people become parents and you will see if these
motivations and circumstances match your own. You
will also gain a fuller appreciation of all you do for and
on behalf of your children. Chapter Three also
includes what research studies with parents and
children from all backgrounds have to say about what
is helpful and what is harmful in raising children.
In addition, this chapter describes two of the major
ways that parents influence children, through
modeling and through the use of consequences. You
will be able to use this knowledge to help you
understand your current situation with your children
and to enact changes or improvements in your
relationships with them.
In Chapter Four, you will find 16 guidelines for
raising
healthy, happy, and successful children. Many of these
guidelines emerge from the research on effective
parenting and address the realities and challenges of
raising children in contemporary times. Each
guideline contains examples of the skills and
practices that are involved in carrying them out with
children. These guidelines work with all children of all
races, in all places. Take them to heart. Apply them to
your own parenting. Your power as a parent will help
your child become the best that he or she can be.
Chapter Five provides an opportunity to learn
more
about understanding and parenting children with
special needs and disabilities. It begins by answering
the question, "What is a special need?" Here you will
learn the definitions used by health professionals who
have the responsibility of helping special needs
children and their families. The areas of child
development on which they focus and the value of
accurate diagnoses receive coverage, as does the
importance of identifying and helping these children
as early in life as possible. The officially recognized
types of special needs and disabilities are listed and
briefly described, with three types receiving more
extended coverage: autism, attention deficit, and
learning disabilities. A major resource for learning
more about special needs children and how best to
manage the child rearing challenges they present is
also provided.
Chapters Six, Seven and Eight are devoted to
the
community, Internet and other resources and services
that are helpful to all parents.
Chapter Six provides practical information
about how to use and advocate for the best parenting
and family skill-building programs for your community.
These are the modern ways of learning how to be the
best parent possible, as they teach the skills that
research has found to be helpful in successfully
raising children.
Chapter Seven describes a sample of the
best
programs, so you will know what to expect when you
take advantage of what they have to offer.
In Chapter Eight you will learn how to easily
access a myriad of other helpful community services,
as well as how to make good use of television,
parenting magazines and newspapers, and the
Internet. In the concluding chapter, you will learn that
your power as a parent, when it is used wisely, not
only benefits you, your children, and your family, but
also society as a whole.
You will also learn about an exciting National Effective
Parenting Initiative (NEPI) in which you, your family,
and your community can play significant roles. In
writing this book for you - my fellow parents - I am
drawing upon my more than 30 years of experiences
as a clinical child psychologist and as the founder and
director of one of our country's most influential
parenting and parenting education organizations, the
nonprofit Center for the Improvement of Child Caring
(CICC).
Those experiences have included conducting
psychotherapy with children and families in affluent
communities and within inner-city settings, such as at
the community mental health center that serves the
Watts area in south Los Angeles. There and at CICC,
it has been my pleasure to have created many
parenting education programs and classes and to
have seen hundreds of thousands of parents enrich
their own and their children's lives through
participating. I am, of course, also drawing upon my
experiences as a parent.
For over 20 years, my wife, Mary, and I have had the
privilege of raising our daughters, Lisa and Brittany
(and facing all of the challenges of being parents in
the current era of AIDS and technology). What they
taught us about the realities of their lives in the middle
and upper middle class communities where our
family has lived, and how they reacted to our love,
commitment, and parenting practices--all have
influenced what I believe, know and teach about
raising children.
Lisa and Brittany are doing marvelously in all phases
of their lives, and have been considered by their
teachers and peers to be good and kind people. They
have also excelled in many ways, and continue to do
so in their early twenties. Mary and I are very proud
parents, and how we brought the girls up had
something to do with that. So you know you are
reading the work of someone who has dedicated his
life to studying the art of parenting and a person who
loves children.
A previous version of many of the ideas and
guidelines of this book appeared in a brief booklet I
wrote called The Power of Positive Parenting.
The
thousands of parents who read that booklet and
shared their reactions with the researchers found it to
be very helpful. Some indicated that it was the manual
that should come with each child, a mini-bible for
parents, and that it changed their entire approach to
raising their children. Others believed it confirmed and
reinforced what they were already doing with their
children, and they appreciated knowing that they were
on the right track.
I hope that your response to this book length version
will be equally as illuminating and reinforcing!
To purchase The Positive Parent click here.
